wellness – The Dream Magazine

What I Learned From Surrendering Into My Sensitivity

Alana — Thu, 16 Jun 2022 13:46:35 +0000

A couple of weeks ago, I declared that I thought I was ‘too sensitive for this shit’. This shit being business.

A series of unfortunate events tested me, stretched me, and made me more uncomfortable than I have ever felt. But, it turns out it’s a little something called growth, and hey, if the universe is planning a breakthrough for me, at least I can see the path that I needed to walk to get there.

So yes, I am sensitive, but I am choosing to surrender into it.

I’ve been told over the years that I am too loud, too emotional, too much, so too sensitive is just another to add to the list. But, the truth is, I am not too much of anything, and neither are you. So, if this resonates then this piece is for you, and, not as though you need one, but it is also your permission slip to do business exactly how you want to.

It has become the social norm that to succeed, we need to have a thick skin and to toughen up, to be hardy and able to withstand these gusts of wind that come our way. I get it, I do, but there is room for both, the duality of being soft and sensitive while being someone in business who knows what they want.

You can be both.

But, you don’t get told this, and working in spaces and places with strong masculine energies – think sales and media, fast-paced and ever-changing environments – leads you to believe that you have to hide those sensitivities, and become a version of yourself that is tougher, bolder, bigger, and sturdier.

I believed this for such a long time, ten years in fact, and it wasn’t until I got more curious about who I was and how I worked as a person that I realised that I could decide. There is so much power in that. And, the sad thing is that it takes so long to undo those thoughts and those feelings – shout out to two weeks ago and my business wobbles.

There is another thing I want to mention; about 18 months ago, someone told me about Human Design. A theory and a methodology rooted in astrology and the type of person we are and the traits that we hold. I started to learn more about it – I am a 5/1 Generator if you’re interested – and I began to write my own rules. Rules about how I operated, the processes in my business, how I interacted with clients, and the pace at which this all happens.

Setting up my own company gave me the autonomy I needed to work with my energy, my sensitivity, and use it to my advantage. I truly believe it is just that, an advantage.

My business is built around comms and copy, and developing this business has been a journey. Effable started as me freelancing alongside a job, getting clients and building up a portfolio outside of the worlds I had worked in. When I finally took the plunge to take it full time, it was exhilarating, but it was easy to fall into those hard- skinned habits.

It’s a work in progress, and it is something I have to make a conscious effort to change and choose every single day. Being sensitive allows me to connect with my clients on a deeper level, it means I get to feel into their brand and how they operate, and it means I get to choose. I choose who I work with based on energy and alignment. Instead of working with outdated agency models and impossible deadlines, I set the pace, and I get to use my emotions and my intuition to work with brands that care and understand the importance of emotion and depth and feeling.

I am still working on it, but what a wonder and what a privilege.

My sensitivity is no longer something I have to hide or mask; it is something that I can surrender into, and that I can use within the work I do and the things I create. Don’t get me wrong; I am still learning, or rather, unlearning, and changing the habits of a lifetime isn’t something that can be done overnight, but I am enjoying leaning into the softer sides and creating a business that goes against the grain of the
industry.

Alongside that, it’s things like crafting my own schedule, taking time out to go for a walk instead of working solidly for eight hours in a room with no windows, and allowing myself time for reading, for self-development, for moving my body.

The clients I work with are impact-driven, and I think that helps. I work with people who value people and the planet over profit, which facilitates a more human approach.

Surrendering into sensitivity looks like slowness, softness, and holding space for clients. It is a relationship and a partnership, rather than me working for them, and this is something I have craved for so long.

I will always be sensitive, and I will always be soft, but I am also loud and bold, I am creative, and I can be impulsive.

There are so many sides to me and my business, and I am unapologetic.

Check out Effable’s Instagram here and head to their website at https://www.itiseffable.com/

How to be Your Own Wellbeing Champion When You Work for Yourself

Alana — Fri, 22 Apr 2022 14:00:49 +0000

Words by Sophie Coulthard, founder of Fidleaf.

Think back to when you first started your business. You knew it would be hard work, but you possibly also looked forward to the flexibility and freedom that working for yourself would offer. Maybe you’d be able to go to that lunchtime gym class you never could attend before. Or take Friday afternoons off to sip rosé with friends. Book into a cute AirBNB in the New Forest to work on something creative and get some quality fresh air.

Honestly, have you had the time to do any of those things since working for yourself? The chances are you’ve got a never-ending to do list, spend most evenings on your laptop on the sofa and the lunchtime gym class? Never happens!

We imagine that working for ourselves will bring about better work life balance, but the reality is that when you are the boss, your wellbeing often gets pushed down the agenda.

Why wellbeing is important for entrepreneurs and freelancers

You owe it to yourself to prioritise your wellbeing. Your wellbeing will power your work performance, so the more effort that you put into it, the more you will get out of work and life. Our research at FidlLeaf shows that when people don’t look after themselves and are stressed or run down it slows down problem solving ability and strategic thinking, drains creative thinking and makes people less intuitive, yet all of these things are pretty critical for success!

There is a fantastic book called Rest by Alex Soojung-Kim Pang that dispels the myth that the harder we work the better the outcome. Deliberate rest and taking time for yourself to fulfil yourself outside of work actually helps to make you more productive, have sharper ideas and more energy.

Companies are starting to realise this and are putting wellbeing policies in place or creating wellbeing champions to drive a culture change where wellbeing is encouraged and emphasised. Their policies might include an email ban outside of working hours to give employees time to switch off, and walking meetings so that everyone can brainstorm and get fresh air at the same time. There’s no reason why these policies can’t be pinched and adapted for solo workers, and it’s worth spending some time carving out a wellbeing policy-of-sorts for yourself.

Building a framework around wellbeing

It might sound a bit silly to write an entire wellbeing policy for one person, but even just a few bullet points on paper with some simple commitments, like taking an afternoon a week to work from a coffee shop to break out of the isolation of the home office might be a positive move for your wellbeing.

At FidlLeaf, we created a workplace wellbeing guide that focuses on four areas that were found in research from A Great Place To Work to be the key drivers of wellbeing in the workplace. I like to use those as the foundation for any wellbeing policy and think that they could easily be adapted for someone who works alone or runs their own business.

They are:

1. Values Aligned Behaviour

Good companies have strong values that are sewn through the culture of the organisation and their employees will have a strong alignment with those values.

For yourself, it’s worth thinking about your values, but also what you value spending your time on. What parts of your work light you up and inspire you? What could you potentially delegate or spend less time on? As well as this, are you able to work on projects or with clients that fit with your values? It can be difficult when first starting out as you may have to say yes to any work opportunity, but at some point you may be able to start to refine your ideal client or type of work.

Values aligned behaviour can go even further and become part of your pricing structure, marketing and sales strategy. It’s about what feels good for you and it may take a little time to really figure this out.

2. Teamwork

If you work on your own this one can be tricky! Feeling like you’re part of a team and contributing to teamwork is proven to have a positive influence on wellbeing, but how do you do that when you’re a team of one?

Joining a community of like-minded business owners is a great way to feel the team spirit. You’ll feel included, empowered and make friends. It will also save you from talking shop with your partner every night because you’ll have people who ‘get it’ that you can bounce ideas off. You could search for something local or join an online group or membership. I met my own group of ‘business besties’ on a facebook page through being fans of the same business podcast. We’ve been supporting each other for over 4 years through Slack, Zoom catch ups and occasional real-life meetings.

Another idea is to arrange co-working sessions with friends who either work for themselves or are working from home. Arrange to meet at a coffee shop and have a catch up and then get stuck into work. I try to do this every other week with a friend of mine and even though we do completely different jobs, there’s something nice about quietly typing away with someone nearby that you can occasionally break to chat with. For me it gives me that ‘office environment’ that I sometimes miss, and weirdly I find that I’m my most productive in a bustling coffee shop!

3. Processes

Processes don’t get featured in too many company wellbeing initiatives, but they should. Poor or clunky systems, policies and processes cause stress to employees, because they cause friction in day-to-day work life.

The same applies to people who work for themselves. Can you pinpoint exactly where certain important documents are? Do you have templates for emails you have to send out regularly? Have you got a folder with all of your brand assets neatly labelled and ready to send at the drop of a hat?

Taking the time to review your processes and have an admin audit could make a significant impact on the rest of your week, month and year. By getting organised you’re reducing the friction and frustration that comes with not being able to find things easily. Putting systems and processes in place for tasks that you repeat will save you time in the long run. You may need to set yourself a monthly reminder to review your processes and don’t forget to clear your downloads folder or organise your receipts at the same time.

4. Recognition

If you’ve ever had a great boss then you’ll know how it feels to be recognised for all of your hard work. A simple “thank you” can go such a long way at the end of a tough week. Many companies build recognition into their wellbeing plan, sometimes using a newsletter or notice board to highlight staff achievements. But when there’s no one else giving you a pat on the back, how can you do it yourself?

Think about what good recognition would look like for you. Do you appreciate a nice reward? Then make sure to book yourself in for a pedicure or take yourself out for lunch once you’ve completed that project. Does praise make you feel on top of the world? Create a ‘brag folder’ to save any client testimonials or kind words from customers. The brag folder also has multiple benefits – you can turn to it whenever you need to hear some positive words, but you can also share the snippets across your social media channels to help build your credibility and reputation.

However you decide to recognise yourself, it’s important to commit to it. Working alone can feel thankless, so you may need to pop a reminder in your diary to note your achievements at the end of each month and figure out a way to celebrate them.

Creating a wellbeing policy for yourself

The four drivers of workplace wellbeing make a great foundation for a wellbeing policy that you can create for yourself. It may consist of a few regular reminders in your diary, or you could get creative and design a poster with your wellbeing commitments and have it hung somewhere near your desk.

As you can see, wellbeing for business owners doesn’t have to be about taking a bubble bath or booking into a yoga class. It’s about finding out what will drive and power your own wellbeing and that could be different from person to person. Wellbeing is about more than self care, it could be about reducing loneliness, protecting your self worth, or feeling a sense of value and purpose.

Business owners wear many hats for the different roles in their business… make sure ‘wellbeing champion’ is one of them!

–

Sophie Coulthard is the co-founder of FidlLeaf, a workplace wellbeing company and personal development platform that powers wellbeing both inside and outside of work using Nobel-Prize nominated science. FidlLeaf has been featured in Forbes and works with corporate companies, tech, government and fashion brands.

What I Learned From: Becoming Addicted To Work and Toxic Productivity During The Pandemic

Lucy — Fri, 15 Apr 2022 11:22:18 +0000

Daisy Morris, founder of The Selfhood shares her story. With nothing else to do during the pandemic and the boundaries between work and life blurred, many of us turned to working longer hours than we should, as social media glamourised hustle culture, and made celebrities out of online biz success stories. As we slowly adjust back to normality, a generation of entrepreneurs are redefining what 'success' means to them.

The word ‘success’ historically made me feel a bit uneasy. When I used to hear or say the word out loud I’d have this visual connotation of material objects that would flash to my mind: a really expensive watch, someone holding a briefcase, a slick suit and really swanky office buildings. Essentially, anything related to corporate ‘work’. Interestingly, when you type ‘success’ into google the two below descriptions appear:

“the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.”
“the attainment of fame, wealth, or social status.”

Even more interesting, when you take a peep and browse google images the majority of the image feature clip arts made up of white men carrying brief cases, some even running up stairs that seem to depict some kind of ‘heaven’ (some may argue an escape route from corporate world but I’m not an art critic so I’ll leave that for another day)

For a long time I believed that the clip arts were a visual manifestation of future of success, I genuinely believed that to be a respected and accomplished person I needed to work my fucking arse off day and night. I’m a bit embarrassed to say this now but I aspired to have material objects that would one day act as my museum of achievements. I often had thoughts that went a bit like this: ‘I’ll be successful when… I own the massive house in London, when… my business is turning over 7 figures, when… I can buy a holiday home in the bahamas and drink pina coladas for breakfast”.

That all changed when I started finding clumps of my own hair in the shower and started having stress related heart palpitations. Like many of us the pandemic blurred my lines between 9-5 and I found myself working 8am-10pm sometimes later and without coming up for air because, really, there was nothing else to do. I became addicted to the adrenaline of working on multiple projects, I subconsciously attached my own worth and validation to being ‘needed’ aka ‘booked and busy’. I became so dissociated from my own self that I allowed myself to become really, really sick.

It was until a Doctor told me I needed to slow down that I realized the damage I had done. I walked home from the hospital feeling numb, disappointed and so confused. How had this happened? (I knew, but I couldn’t quite face that I’d done it to myself) I spent the rest of the day feeling so angry at myself. I realised that for the last 6 months I had been an anxious, emotional, easily triggered, irritated, tired and lifeless little soul. I had poured all my energy in to my work and appearing ‘together’ for my clients that there was no more juice left in the tank and my poor body had taken a battering.

So I decided to step back, I cut my work load down by a significant amount, and paused or cancelled upcoming projects that I couldn’t fulfill in the state I was in. I spent the month of August working enough to cover my bills and cost of living and spent the rest of the time doing the things that bring me back to me. I had genuinely become so disillusioned by the destination of a clip art ladder that I forgot to even take a moment to enjoy the process, let alone evaluate what wasn’t working.

The trouble with burn out (and I do believe burn out to be a problematic concept in our modern society) is that it’s become a bit of a buzzword. A badge of honour some might say. Nowadays it’s really not uncommon to hear people say ‘I’m feeling burned out’ and not feel alarmed because it’s become such a common theme throughout our work life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we’re being more open and honest about our physical and mental health but we shouldn’t be normalising exhaustion and poor health in the name of ‘success’.

The problem is, we live in a hamster wheel of announcement culture where we’re constantly inundated by updates from others sharing their accomplishments, promotions, pay rises, new houses, new partners, screen shots of long haul flights with a countdown timer, and everything else that accelerates the speed in which we get to the top of that imaginary clip art ladder. So we keep pushing, and pushing until we reach clip art ‘success’.

I’ll be honest I’ve had to work through some deep conditioning, I still have those pangs of guilt and thoughts, ‘I need to be doing more’. It’s taken me a long time to understand that rest is productive and my friends, family, partner and business get the best of me when I’m well rested.

Success for me is happiness. It’s starting work at 11am because I went to my favourite gym class, it’s clocking off at 6pm to play netball with my mates, it’s meeting friends for lunch on a Wednesday afternoon because why not? It’s impromptu Fridays off, It’s spending my weekends with the people I love rather than chained to my desk, it’s creativity for fun and not monetisation, it’s taking time for myself without feeling like a lazy slob. We get so brainwashed in to believing that we’ve ‘made it’ when we’ve got the objects to show it, the accolades to announce and yes, those things are still great to aspire to. I’m not saying we need to bin our shoes and head for the hills and start living off of organic tomatoes and sleeping in hammocks. What I am saying is that we need to make space for those things and work towards them at a rate that works for us and not against us.

We need to evaluate if those things are even important to us in the first place, or if we aspire to them because we’re told we should. My advice to anyone working towards any dream is this: nothing is worth sacrificing your mental or physical health for, time is the most valuable commodity.

Connect with Daisy https://www.theselfhood.com/